Defining "Love"

I was reading an article by Ayelet Shimron, who is a motivational speaker. Her thoughts on love left such an impact on me that I decided to put down my thoughts right away-

"When it comes to love, we have this illogical conception of how love is suppose to ‘happen’"Since when did love come with an instruction manual? When we fall into love with zero expectation, there is absolutely no room for disappointment. We all like to believe that we are spontaneous creatures, but when it comes to love we enter into its mysterious domain with a structured vision of how each step “must” unfold. Doing this, we place limitations and standards on love; but love is by no means limited, nor is it defined by any standard. Love is not jealousy, or anger, or resentment.

For example, why do we get angry when our partner does not fulfill a certain task? The answer is simple. Because our expectations have been established, but they haven’t been met. Understand the secret of why many people find it difficult to achieve harmony in relationships. Because the woman wants the man to understand her needs and expectations, while the man, in return, feels unaccomplished for never meeting his woman’s needs. Thus, the man loses his motivation to even try. Remember, the rose blooms so beautifully because it is not trying to be a lotus. The lotus blooms so beautifully because it is not trying to be a rose. When we learn to accept the other rather than expect from the other, only then do we learn how to embark on this journey of love. It important to understand that ' Men comes from mars and Women comes from venus' We are two different species and expect different things from each other. According to various books and authors we need to learn to accept each other differently and change the way we look at things. I also realised that sometimes its the way we talk to each other that can reduce our quarrels and misunderstandings  If we learn to communicate our feelings and emotions in a right way, we can actually make life simpler and better.

We all get into relationships because we love to be have someone who accepts us the way we are in our lives. Its the connection or the spark between two people who binds them for life and gives them all strength to make their relationship work and last forever. We think of having a perfect life with no problems and issues but then that would not be the life I will want to live. Its a myth that trouble weakens the relationship, it makes us stand stronger when things go topsy and turvy. Let us call it "Love" which reminds us someone cares and will be standing with you to fight all troubles. We should respect what we have and what we feel because we as individuals tend to take our loved one's for granted. There nothing stronger than what we feel for our loved ones, it cannot be defined in words through any writers. Its the feelings and emotion which does the talking in love, a blind can also feel the same what we feel and infact there emotions touches the soul deeper than us. You dont need eyes, ears or hands to feel love, its the somethings which comes from within and grows with time.We may have spent years with our loved ones but those emotions and deep inner feelings always stays with you if they are true for each other. Its easier to get sexually attracted to anyone but feeling that love can only happen when you go through the lane which you thought never existed. The day you drive down that lane which leads to finding inner strength and love that is when we will respect each other and will learn to love more. That is when the negative thoughts will be replaced by positive views and unconditional feelings will flow it wherein the expectations will reduce.

"You must love someone, not because you want them to love you too. But rather, you love them simply because, you have decided to do so, with no regrets."

Strong-willed, Steadfast,Strong Minded Women - 6th March 2012

This article is not about Women Empowerment or Atrocities on Women. This focuses on three words which describe a “Women “– Strong willed, Steadfast and Strong Minded. These words sounds really nice and but do you think today’s society accepts them and let them breathe in the environment. I m writing this because I want people to change their thought process and see the reality.

Today we talk about the society changing and accepting Women as strong person and allowing them to take their own decision related to career, marriage and preferences in life. But my question to all women is - Are they able to sustain it for longer? Are they able to follow their passion or ambition in life? Or do they only work for economic independence?

We all know it’s important for couple’s to work simultaneously to run the house, raise their children, and have a luxurious life. But why do they miss out on the emotional dependence, not on each other but on oneself. My focus is on having emotional stability to make a healthy living and prosperous relationship by just incorporating some positive thoughts and strengthening their emotions by handling difficulties in life.

Going back to the second paragraph, I feel Women always land up compromising on most of the things and ignoring their passion in life. But some manage to follow them and inspire others to do it too, I will want to throw some light on some experiences in my life which helps me think differently and makes me a strong person.

During my school days, I was always a tomboy and enjoyed being a sports captain. Everything I did was mostly with boys – could be playing volley ball in the sun, one –on – one in basket ball or just hanging out. But as I started growing up, things started to change and people started seeing me as different person. We all grow in different phases of life but do you think our motives (underlying behaviour) always remain same. The answer is yes, it does. I meant, today I may be changed women with a successful corporate life, good set of friends and family but what I had when I was a child or what I liked as a child will always be my passion.

I can say all this because I have experienced it in my life, I always liked adventure sports and have experienced that adrenaline rush but was never able to proceed further.But today I can proudly say I follow what I like and what I believe along with my work. It’s just stepping out of our comfort zone and finding right kind of people who will motivate you and guide you through the right way and show you what you are capable of in life. Being a women, we can get scared for zillion of things but at the end of the day you are what you are and considered equal in this society. It’s our strength and patience which takes us to places and we as women have more perseverance and endurance to perform any task.

I experienced all these or rather learnt about myself from Rock Climbing. I started this in March 2011 and this has shown me what all it needs to achieve and what all it needs to execute. We think these extreme activities are not for women because it requires strength but that’s a wrong perception everyone has about such activities.

While climbing, I met a women named Archana Sardana who came with her kids for Rock Climbing and I was shocked to know that she was one of India’s few women skydivers. Today this homemaker, wife of a Naval Officer, has become India's first and only woman B.A.S.E jumper (Jumping from Buildings, Antennas, Span and Earth (Cliffs), officially one of the world's riskiest extreme sports, with a single parachute (no reserve parachute) and very little time to react for emergencies. “The freefalls last for a couple of seconds, after that it is a question of how you fly your canopy. It’s definitely far more exciting than skydiving and infinitely riskier. Infact it is real daredevilry”, says Archana

I was amazed to know that she started BASE jumping 4 years back and have been really passionate about it since then. You learn a lot from these adventure activities, it could be related to some qualities that are required to succeed in every walk of life. It’s important for women to learn and imbibe such qualities. The qualities may include leadership, team spirit, passion, learning to never give up, self-confidence, humility, empathy, responsibility, learning to be one with nature, etc.

Another woman I admire is “Gul Panag” she is a women with Beauty, Brains and Boldness. She does what her hearts tells her to do without being bothered about anyone else. I m completely influenced by such kind of women because they show how important is to believe in ourselves to perform any kind of activities.

I m not suggesting that every women should get into adventure activities to figure out their deep sense but it’s a way to show that there are various activities which can help you build your self- confidence in you. There are many women in different field who can be our inspiration to guide us through right path. We just have to figure out where our passion lies and what do we like doing or probably what do I see myself doing in next 5 years. It could be being an entrepreneur, following dance or singing which you left behind, writing a book etc.

It is possible to do it with your normal routine or your corporate life, first figure out what have you been missing all this while or what is that you left behind after your college. Then figure out where can you go to practise those activities, accordingly dig out an hour a day for your passion. My emphasis is more on women because they tend to suppress their feelings and ambition for family. I only want them to dig out sometime from their busy schedule so that they land up respecting themselves which in return help them to be emotionally stable.

I can continue writing to help women find themselves but I want each individual to figure out their own interest, strengths and weaknesses. This will give more internal peace, support and confidence to live a prosperous life.

I read it somewhere that “You cannot keep a good women down” - something that you say which means that a person with a strong character will always succeed, even if they have a lot of problems.

Finding Friend - September 2008

I don't know when I got close, think it started when we all use to sit between rows
Life was fun at that time when everything done was never a crime
I dont know when things changed and everywhere I could feel the rage
The only person who stayed with me was my friend,
who taught me that life never ends
I dont know how things will be going ahead in life but all I know is this that this friend will stay with me
Its you who make me feel special and every time it reminds of time which they were unforgettable
Its you who was there for me like trunk attached to the tree
Its the tree with the trunk who faced all seasons
and it will be you and me who will stay without a reason
It love, care and affection which shows there is definitely a connection
Its the unspoken words which we understand
Hope this relation faces all problems and withstand

LOST - March 2008

Its a beautiful night with the vain in the heart
or is it emotions of life which have torn apart
Cant understand if its Night or Vain?
Suddenly hears the thunder and it began to rain
Nothing seems clear, not even roads
Roads which led to heaven are now carrying loads
Its difficult to find truth of life
But at the end its human being who is born to strive
There always a ray of hope
which makes life a roller coaster with sturdy slopes
Its neither the night nor the vain
Everything just lies in the brain
Its upto us how we see things
Before every warning god never forgets to ring
Its the society who do not understand the emotions
and never pay adherence to each other actions
They are people with no heart and feelings
and rise like stems while creeping
Where has the innocence gone
I can only hear the cry and moan
Eyes of a child searches for truth and purity
and soon he will realise that there is no equality
I wish if life could have changed
I would rather be the child who could never see beyond his range

ENIGMA - Dance for Life - December, 2006

Dance, Dance was our life and passion
which we always feel was like our profession
Team Spirit, dedication and determination was our motto
Spending all years coming for practice in auto
First day when I gave my auditions
My senior where shock to see my actions
Then we became seniors and carried this team to higher position
All other around us were jealous of our progression
Now we have juniors which no more are juniors but our friends
and without them we all feel our enigma will come to an end
Finally days have arrived for us to bid goodbye to the team
which shows we have put lots of efforts and hardwork in this stream
The only thing I say in the end
- " Always keep the stage on fire and never let "ENIGMA" retire
Love is what all I give and tell the whole world that without this I wont be able to live.......

Unknown Calling - 21st August 2007

There is someone up there who listens to you
and shows his image like droplet formed by dew
No one has even tried to understand him
and keeps on committing all kinds of sin
People try to find him outside, but they don't realize that he is sitting right inside.
He lives in the heart with an unknown soul
who keeps performing all kinds of role
His main role is to tell every human being not to live in vanity
and should try finding out life's reality
The person which is talked out here is someone no one knows
He is like a warrior fighting in the war with his sword
I compare him with a warrior because he  listens to every person's problem's
and keep fighting till he ends the problems who fights with the sword till the war or the life is over
This is when I understood that the someone up there has a divine power
and this is he who shower his blessings which makes each individual strong to carry them all life long
He is the one who holds our hand and makes us walk on right path
like a teacher who teaches the child a subject for instance called math
There will be lots of teachers which will teach us maths but there will be only one teacher who will makes us understand
This unknown enlightens the light inside us which provides our mind and heart some rest
when he keeps his hand on our head
All the troubles and worries comes to an end
He is an idol of true love and generosity
and wishes for his disciples and followers all kind of prosperity

Vicious Circle - 7th May 2006

Life is a vicious circle,
which keeps on turning up and down until it sees a miracle.
There are lots of atrocities and violence all around,
which requires a covering or a power to surround.
My guru born on this earth gives the outer covering,
and talks about the courage and strength in every human being
Satguru gives the knowledge and wisdom,
which is like a soldier fighting for freedom.
We, as people have not understood the real value of life
Its only our Satguru who makes our life worthwhile

Gone are the Dayz - 3rd March 2006

Gone are the days when we were kids,
who never thought of staying fit.
Gone are the days when barbie dolls and Gi Joe's were are passion,
and everything around looked like they were our obsession.
Gone are the days when homework and classwork were important,
and parents were always dominant.
Now life has a taken a turn and talks about responsibility,
but we all are busy in involving ourselves in sociability.
Now are the days when we should take up things as they come,
and should focus on thinking how can they be run.
After college every person grows outwardly and inwardly,
they become strong, courageous, sincere and start looking at things more sensibly
We are at the stage when graduation comes to an end,
and we should focus on shouldering our parents so that all mistakes done in past can easily be mend.

Love Can Last - 14th Feb 2004

True Love can never be compared
which true lovers always share
It is something which comes from within
And no one has even known where its origin
Blind man or even deaf can feel
And this love cannot be easily removed like the layer of the onion which we can peel
Eyes are important part in love
which speaks more than action before anyone shrugs
Love has connection with emotions
Like a pregnant mother has before her child's birth procession
Love comes with respect, trust and understanding
which all lovers and beautiful souls in love should be acknowledging

Humanity - First Poem written on 13th Feb 2004

Do you have the courage to live life,
then face it like a cake cut by knife.
Cake is like a soft phase of life which can be cut,
But doors of heaven up there will never be shut.
If we perform good deeds all our life and have no hatred and ignorance for people,
Then we might have sufferings which will be very little
Loving people should be the first thing,
like a lover who loves her fiance while putting a ring.
This is life we talk about,
as mentioned in books how much humanity is around.
Let each person explore themselves and live in peace
And we as individuals let our soul decease

12-12-12 - The Day (12th December 2012)

Today being the special day I see myself loving you more
It was four years back when we were not sure
Spending these years together I realize you are the ONE
Could have never imagined my dancing partner would turn out to be so much fun
All these months got us close and brought the best in us
I wish this relationship last forever and never get rust
After 3 years, it made us feel more for each other
And now we have reached 20 months of being together
Its was 12th March 2011 when you made the day special
Finally spending these lovely months we have reached another level
There were times when we had our ups and down
But our passion, trust and understanding dint let it drown
Today I can call you my partner in crime
And hope our love keep rising and shine

Flow of Thought - 18th Nov 2012

Siting right beside water makes you think why is this water so deep and where does it end.. Has anyone tried calculating the right dimensions.. But my concern why is it important to know when it can gives us pleasure without knowing right dimensions.. Similar ways we start judging life.. If somethings happens we want to know why did it happen and when the pain will end but the whole idea is to leave everything on time.. We have to learn to live with present and leave everything on destiny as we proceed in life.. Thinking too much will only drown us in the sea. We have to learn to swim through our problems and we will reach the shore automatically.. We have to learn to be like sea..sometimes calm and sometimes harsh in right way.. Storms will come and go but how far you can withstand the pressure is what plays Important role. Let us all focus on current situations rather than what happened in past or what lies ahead and over analyze what will happen next.. Let the sunlight fall into the water to show you the right way and guide you through tough times.

Its easy to quote in words and tell the world how to behave or how to react but the real test of life is when you confront the situation yourself. We have to learn to "Let Go" to find peace with ourselves. The more we hold into the things, the more we will suffer. I read this somewhere -
The moment you get too attached to things, people, money, your job you invariably screw it up!The challenge of life is to appreciate everything and attach yourself to nothing. When you chase things too hard they run away. Did you ever need to sell something, desperately? A car, a house, who wanted it? Nobody! So you dropped the price. Who cared? Nobody! The principle? When you are desperate, zilch!

Talk to any sales person whether they are in Lear Jets or laundry detergents, and they will tell the same story. Desperation pulls you into a descending spiral – and the more your worry, the less people buy! What happens when you are in a restaurant and in a hurry for your meal! They lose your order. Detachment is major reason rich people get richer. They do not care so much, they are not desperate.

On the mental and physical level, we are dealing with natural laws. Nature does not understand desperation! Nature seeks balance and you cannot be desperate and balanced. Life does not have to be an endless struggle. Let things flow. It is not indifference, it is neither forcing things