Monday 25 March 2013
Golden Rules of Wise Living
What really matters in the end said, Gautama Buddha, is,
"How well did you love,
How fully did you live and
How deeply did you let go?"
All three are golden rules of wise living. Here, 'let go' means renouncing with full clarity and determination those aspects of life which are detterent to a full, wholesome life. Life goes on inexorable and before we can comprehend and appreciate its functioning and profundity, it is time for our exit. In our ignorance and our ego, we spend an entire lifetime trapped in negativities and self-defeating behavioral patterns. Broadly, we remain ensnared in endless desires, undue attachments, colored visions about others and the past and future.
"Letting Go" is a slow and arduous process that cannot be achieved overnight. As one traverses life and advances in age, experience and wisdom, the anomalies of one's life become lucid. Once identified, its easier to make a conscious effort to surmount them. Desire for wealth, power and fame never seems to satiated, leading to discontent, frustration and inner turmoil. The beauty of life remains untapped and life just passes by in a mindless pursuit of desires. A state of no- desires is verily an impossibility and tantamount to godhood. But we certainly work with full understanding on minimizing our desires and gradually relinquishing them.
We have a compelling propensity of dwelling in the past and brooding about the unseen future, thereby neglecting the present. Revelling in past glories or wallowing in self pity due to past tribulations is futile.
Past is a graveyard and the future, inscrutable. We need to abnegate them fully, only then we can seize the golden opportunities of the present and move on in life.
Largely our behaviors and beliefs are the result of mental conditioning. Our mind gets conditioned by our previous experiences with people and events and accordingly forges opinions which with time, ossify into convictions. An entire life can squandered in hatred and hostility towards individuals who do not deserve it. We are changing and evolving, flexibility in our beliefs and opinions are life- enhancing. We need to sincerely let go our prejudices, grouses, biases, anger, jealousies via reconditioning of our mind. This will be conducive to a healthy, equanimous life.
Our undue attachment to animate and inanimate objects can be painful not only for ourselves but for others as well. Who is not familiar with ephemeral nature of these objects? undoubtedly, wealth in certain measure is required for comfortable living. We do not have to abandon wealth. What we need to give us is greed and possessiveness for material objects. We need to relate to them with mental resignation. They should be means for life, not life itself. Paradoxically, wealth can be prerequisite for spiritual enrichment. It is only after our material needs have been taken care of and we are still unfulfilled that we choose to turn inwards.
Similarly, we should let go of our attachments to near and dear ones. Attachment is essentially selfish love. Attached parents may not permit their children to settle abroad, despite their growth prospects, because they need them in old age. Replace attachment with love which is pure and altruistic. Rabindranath Tagore said - "Love does not claim possession but gives freedom"
The moment you get too attached to things, people, money, your job you invariably screw it up! The challenge of life is to appreciate everything and attach yourself to nothing. When you chase things too hard they run away. Did you ever need to sell something, desperately? A car, a house, who wanted it? Nobody! So you dropped the price. Who cared? Nobody! The principle? When you are desperate, zilch!
Talk to any sales person whether they are in Lear Jets or laundry detergents, and they will tell the same story. Desperation pulls you into a descending spiral – and the more your worry, the less people buy! What happens when you are in a restaurant and in a hurry for your meal! They lose your order. Detachment is major reason rich people get richer. They do not care so much, they are not desperate.
On the mental and physical level, we are dealing with natural laws. Nature does not understand desperation! Nature seeks balance and you cannot be desperate and balanced. Life does not have to be an endless struggle. Let things flow. It is not indifference, it is neither forcing things
"How well did you love,
How fully did you live and
How deeply did you let go?"
All three are golden rules of wise living. Here, 'let go' means renouncing with full clarity and determination those aspects of life which are detterent to a full, wholesome life. Life goes on inexorable and before we can comprehend and appreciate its functioning and profundity, it is time for our exit. In our ignorance and our ego, we spend an entire lifetime trapped in negativities and self-defeating behavioral patterns. Broadly, we remain ensnared in endless desires, undue attachments, colored visions about others and the past and future.
"Letting Go" is a slow and arduous process that cannot be achieved overnight. As one traverses life and advances in age, experience and wisdom, the anomalies of one's life become lucid. Once identified, its easier to make a conscious effort to surmount them. Desire for wealth, power and fame never seems to satiated, leading to discontent, frustration and inner turmoil. The beauty of life remains untapped and life just passes by in a mindless pursuit of desires. A state of no- desires is verily an impossibility and tantamount to godhood. But we certainly work with full understanding on minimizing our desires and gradually relinquishing them.
We have a compelling propensity of dwelling in the past and brooding about the unseen future, thereby neglecting the present. Revelling in past glories or wallowing in self pity due to past tribulations is futile.
Past is a graveyard and the future, inscrutable. We need to abnegate them fully, only then we can seize the golden opportunities of the present and move on in life.
Largely our behaviors and beliefs are the result of mental conditioning. Our mind gets conditioned by our previous experiences with people and events and accordingly forges opinions which with time, ossify into convictions. An entire life can squandered in hatred and hostility towards individuals who do not deserve it. We are changing and evolving, flexibility in our beliefs and opinions are life- enhancing. We need to sincerely let go our prejudices, grouses, biases, anger, jealousies via reconditioning of our mind. This will be conducive to a healthy, equanimous life.
Our undue attachment to animate and inanimate objects can be painful not only for ourselves but for others as well. Who is not familiar with ephemeral nature of these objects? undoubtedly, wealth in certain measure is required for comfortable living. We do not have to abandon wealth. What we need to give us is greed and possessiveness for material objects. We need to relate to them with mental resignation. They should be means for life, not life itself. Paradoxically, wealth can be prerequisite for spiritual enrichment. It is only after our material needs have been taken care of and we are still unfulfilled that we choose to turn inwards.
Similarly, we should let go of our attachments to near and dear ones. Attachment is essentially selfish love. Attached parents may not permit their children to settle abroad, despite their growth prospects, because they need them in old age. Replace attachment with love which is pure and altruistic. Rabindranath Tagore said - "Love does not claim possession but gives freedom"
The moment you get too attached to things, people, money, your job you invariably screw it up! The challenge of life is to appreciate everything and attach yourself to nothing. When you chase things too hard they run away. Did you ever need to sell something, desperately? A car, a house, who wanted it? Nobody! So you dropped the price. Who cared? Nobody! The principle? When you are desperate, zilch!
Talk to any sales person whether they are in Lear Jets or laundry detergents, and they will tell the same story. Desperation pulls you into a descending spiral – and the more your worry, the less people buy! What happens when you are in a restaurant and in a hurry for your meal! They lose your order. Detachment is major reason rich people get richer. They do not care so much, they are not desperate.
On the mental and physical level, we are dealing with natural laws. Nature does not understand desperation! Nature seeks balance and you cannot be desperate and balanced. Life does not have to be an endless struggle. Let things flow. It is not indifference, it is neither forcing things
'Its complicated' - relationship status!!
Famous Philosopher "Ayn Rand" once said, before you say I LOVE YOU you should be able to say "I" with functional Idea and understanding of the "self". If the foundations are shaky then the "Love you" part gets more complicated than necessary.
The problem is with the styles of attachment one sees today, just as earlier, is that they cannot live without their lovers. Through this 'you complete me' philosophy, what you actually saying is ' I need you so that I can feel worthy of happiness and be complete'. Rather than that you should say ' I desire to share the existing happiness in my life with you'.Why do people force others to be relationship? Usually, the answer is an overpowering lack of belief in one's own ability to face the challenges of life. It renders a person incapable of a healthy desire for a partner. He or she would be rather desperate for a partner, and then cling on to a dysfunctional marriage. Yes. life does become convenient than before if you have a lover, but the idea that life becomes possible and worthy of living 'only with a lover' is a root cause of misery.
Generally speaking, since women are trained to look at at their male partners not as equals but as parmeshwars and thereby feel inadequate in their absence - they tend to see marriage from a completely different lens compared to men. This lens exaggerates fears related to loneliness and abandonment and depreciates people's belief in their own capabilities to deal with life challenges. The idea is highly in accurate and impoverished. But perceptions don't begin and end with gender- specific outlooks.Its also about self - belief. To elucidate the point - There was a couple who was married for 3 years and one day his wife decided to leave him and he got into severe depression. He said " I cant imagine my life without her. I will die if she goes away" I asked him, "Tell me, how did you live your life before your wife came into the picture"
The problem is that our notion of romance isn't always individualistic. Its mostly subjective to the person who is in our lives. Rarely do we see romance that's not attached to the object of our affection. That's wrong. Your romantic notion takes new forms when you meet someone you like. But it should not alter how you personally see love. Yes, people will always face problems in relationship, but to understand and deal with the problem better, you need to look at the love just from your point of view. If you let the subjectivity reality of what you are experiencing take hold over you or see love only in terms of what you feel for the person you love, you will end up changing not for the better the way you look at yourself.
Now on to the next question: Is it healthy to ignore red flags in the relationship? People ignore red flags in a relationship because of all sorts of reasons - Functional and Dysfunctional Reasons
Functional Reason - They look at the bigger picture and see the limitation or the bad habits of their partner are not defining characteristics, that they have many other values that can be loved and appreciated. they see the positives and create a holistic and realistic picture of their lover. To make your relationship functional one, ask yourself these questions in regard to your partner : Why does this irritate me? Why is this behavior a red flag? Which of my fundamental criteria are not being met? Are my demands legitimate? What standards am I judging my partner on? Can I not convert my demands into desires and abate my suffering?
Dysfunctional Reason - Sometimes, people accept misery as their fate. For them, the risk of finding happiness with someone else, or just by themselves, is to scary. It is strong and rear fear. So in order to avoid the fear of risk, he or she accepts misery. Their philosophy is "gaadi chalti rehte hain" or any which way marriage should survive. These fears can be magnified by situations where o there is high degree of economic and social dependency that makes people suffer but also the real danger of losing property and monetary means to survive.
The problem is with the styles of attachment one sees today, just as earlier, is that they cannot live without their lovers. Through this 'you complete me' philosophy, what you actually saying is ' I need you so that I can feel worthy of happiness and be complete'. Rather than that you should say ' I desire to share the existing happiness in my life with you'.Why do people force others to be relationship? Usually, the answer is an overpowering lack of belief in one's own ability to face the challenges of life. It renders a person incapable of a healthy desire for a partner. He or she would be rather desperate for a partner, and then cling on to a dysfunctional marriage. Yes. life does become convenient than before if you have a lover, but the idea that life becomes possible and worthy of living 'only with a lover' is a root cause of misery.
Generally speaking, since women are trained to look at at their male partners not as equals but as parmeshwars and thereby feel inadequate in their absence - they tend to see marriage from a completely different lens compared to men. This lens exaggerates fears related to loneliness and abandonment and depreciates people's belief in their own capabilities to deal with life challenges. The idea is highly in accurate and impoverished. But perceptions don't begin and end with gender- specific outlooks.Its also about self - belief. To elucidate the point - There was a couple who was married for 3 years and one day his wife decided to leave him and he got into severe depression. He said " I cant imagine my life without her. I will die if she goes away" I asked him, "Tell me, how did you live your life before your wife came into the picture"
The problem is that our notion of romance isn't always individualistic. Its mostly subjective to the person who is in our lives. Rarely do we see romance that's not attached to the object of our affection. That's wrong. Your romantic notion takes new forms when you meet someone you like. But it should not alter how you personally see love. Yes, people will always face problems in relationship, but to understand and deal with the problem better, you need to look at the love just from your point of view. If you let the subjectivity reality of what you are experiencing take hold over you or see love only in terms of what you feel for the person you love, you will end up changing not for the better the way you look at yourself.
Now on to the next question: Is it healthy to ignore red flags in the relationship? People ignore red flags in a relationship because of all sorts of reasons - Functional and Dysfunctional Reasons
Functional Reason - They look at the bigger picture and see the limitation or the bad habits of their partner are not defining characteristics, that they have many other values that can be loved and appreciated. they see the positives and create a holistic and realistic picture of their lover. To make your relationship functional one, ask yourself these questions in regard to your partner : Why does this irritate me? Why is this behavior a red flag? Which of my fundamental criteria are not being met? Are my demands legitimate? What standards am I judging my partner on? Can I not convert my demands into desires and abate my suffering?
Dysfunctional Reason - Sometimes, people accept misery as their fate. For them, the risk of finding happiness with someone else, or just by themselves, is to scary. It is strong and rear fear. So in order to avoid the fear of risk, he or she accepts misery. Their philosophy is "gaadi chalti rehte hain" or any which way marriage should survive. These fears can be magnified by situations where o there is high degree of economic and social dependency that makes people suffer but also the real danger of losing property and monetary means to survive.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)